I'm currently drafting the HUGE Birth Story blog entry, but I wanted to post this in the meantime since it's on my mind. I had a really emotional moment today and I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has any advice or comforting words or just... something.
I have been thinking this all week and vocalized it today to Nick. I told him it feels like we haven't gotten to cuddle or love on each other or anything in forever and it sucks. I'm not even talking about sex, since we know that's on hold for a bit. and yes, OF COURSE we knew the baby would give us less time for each other. I am not so dumb and silly I didn't realize this would happen once Gavin was here. That's a given. I guess with Gavin being so fussy at night, my expectation that we'd get a little time at night to snuggle and such is out the window, and I'd hoped it would be a time we'd have together.
My issue is that I didn't realize how much it upset me until I actually said it out loud. I started tearing up and tried not to let Nick see. And I'm tearing up now typing this out. How have my other mommy friends dealt with this? Did anyone else get all worked up like I am? I just miss being close to my husband and we haven't gotten to even sleep in our bed together since we brought Gavin home and it just bothers me. I just miss him. We're normally so affectionate and taking all that down to nearly zero feels awful. I feel like such a fail cause my baby is less than a week old and I already have complaints? Ugh. :( I hope Gavin gets less fussy and sleeps at night soon so we can resume at least a little lovey-doveyness...
I def understand. Things are going to be hard for a while bc gavin has and nds ur undivided attention. Im alwaus here if u nd to talk. Sounds like u r going through post partum depression. Sometimes u have to find a way to make time. Whether its showering together or laying in bed with all 3 of u. Baby steps for the first couple wks sweetie. Ill msg u my #
ReplyDeletehmm. I'm not sure it's entirely PPD. I love this baby so much and he's such a joy, I just miss the intimacy we had in our 2-person family. thanks though girly you're the best<3<3<3
ReplyDeleteIt will slowly but surely come back. Let things settle. We will yalk more!!!!!
ReplyDeleteDoes Gavin sleep in a play pen/bassinet in your room? Steve and I would do that and have time to cuddle in bed while he slept or watch movies from bed. We also had a co sleeper, so if Sawyer was fussy he could join us in bed! Its the small things that matter at this point so that you know your wanted since the little edition is such a change to your lifestyle. If you have any questions dont hesitate to ask me!! :)
ReplyDeleteyep, he has a bassinet. however, our big issue right now is that Gavin basically refuses to sleep on his own. he will fall asleep in your arms on after feeding but as soon as we try to put him down he wakes up and freaks. it's pretty much a miracle at this point to be able to put him down and he stay asleep. but we will keep trying. I'm determined to NOT have a child that refuses to be put down. so he'll learn with time. just right now, it's a struggle!
ReplyDeleteWell hell be like that for about the first month. Even though it's hard the best is to lay him down baby burritoed and then leave the room for a bit while he falls asleep. He might cry himself asleep but eventually hell get the point. Theres nothing wrong w him crying either. Steve had that issue everytime I left he would cry the whole time I was gone and then we realized you just have to let him cry it out. OR a great thing is the swings. If you get him on of those they knock him out really good!
ReplyDeletewe tried a bit of the crying himself out last night, but I think Nick gave in before he fell asleep (I dont remember, it's all a blur lol). I will try this though, since he's GOT to tire eventually!
ReplyDeleteI have had the same fears and my baby hasn't even been born yet. I am sure this exact issue will be very difficult for me. I plan to let her cry, if possible, to establish ..well..something? Maybe try just building a cozy little nook out of pillows and whatnot right next to you 2 for him to sleep in (if the crying to sleep doesn't work) so that he will still feel the cozy closeness of you 2 but will not physically be separating you guys? then cuddle in bed or on the couch, wherever you decide to do this. I am sure we will have much to discuss in about 3 weeks. ;) Personally, I do not want my baby to get used to co-sleeping, but if there is no other option for now, FOR NOW, do not fret! You need to feel loved and close to your husband!!! Good Luck!!! -Andi-
ReplyDeleteYou must sneak in affection with the hubby at all times...even if you have to grab him and pull him into a closet for kissing session. I am not kidding. I breast fed Bobby until he was 14 months old...12 months exclusive Breast feeding. I was up every 2 hours feeding him. It was hard...but so worth it in the end. Now. When Bobby was almost 3 months old I had decided that the every 2 hour getting up was ridiculous. He as nice and fat by then and was capable of going at least 4-6 hours at night. So I had read an article in Baby magazine. It was the 5 min rule. Put baby in crib... walk out of room shut door. Baby cries...I sit on floor outside room and cry...but I wait 5 minutes. I go back in..do NOT pick up baby...do NOT speak (I did however make the shhhh noise)...rub backbelly...(they said put passifier in mouth..I did not do this...Bobby did not ever have passifier)...leave room again..shut door...baby hesitates...than cries...I cry...wait 5 minutes..repeat. It took 3 days of doing this to get Bobby to fall asleep by himself and stay that way.(they cry because they feel alone...they have to learn that you did not leave...which is why them seeing you every 5 min comforts them) I am not saying this will work for every baby..but its worth a shot..just not yet as he is too little. For 9 months they are listening to your heart beat...it takes a little bit for them to find a way to comfort themselves. The hormone let down makes everything seem even more emotional. I did NOT sleep with the baby in bed..and I do not recommend it..ever. My bed is for myself and my husband and the last thing I want is a child who can't sleep in their own bed because they want to sleep with us (unless you wouldn't have a problem with that)Plus its not safe...rolling over on infant is not a good thing. I have heard of some calling it the family bed..and I can't wrap my head around that at all..but that is just me. This moment in time is but a fraction of your life...it will pass and you will miss it...Once a nice routine starts...you will feel so much better..I promise <3!!
ReplyDeleteit's not fair to so quickly assume it's PPD. that's a medical diagnosis - not something to assume you're going through just because you're not jumping for joy every second of the day. EVERYONE goes through these feelings, which is cliche to hear, but it's true. Gavin being here is opening up a wide range of brand new adjustments that it's going to take a really long time to get used to. sneaking in cuddle time with Nick is the best thing to do for now. make time for each other when you can slip it in at best. things will get better, and things will get easier. Gavin is fussy at night because he wants to be that part of you and nick as well - after all, every cuddle you've had for the past 9 months, Gavin has been there for it. in time, he will learn that mommy and daddy can't hold him and pick him up 24/7 and you two will learn when to best fit in that time together. it's a constant adjustment that you aren't going to make within the first week, or month. calm down, deep breaths, tell your husband you love him, and allow yourself to relax and find a center in you to stop beating yourself up. you're doing a wonderful job :)
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