Gavin's birth is creeping closer and closer these days. I've been debating with the mirror since last night about whether or not he's started to drop.
I swear there's more space at the top of my belly. Comparing with my last belly photo though, there's not a noticeable difference. I feel like I see the difference in person though. Either way, he IS preparing for his debut; at my OB appointment yesterday we did a quick ultrasound to check his position, and he is definitely head DOWN! The ultrasound wasn't all that much to see; basically a large round image, which was his head. and it was right on top of my cervix. So who knows if he'll shift around over the next few weeks, but if he stays put he'll be primed and ready to make things NOT complicated at birth. Like a good boy. :)
One thing on my mind a lot lately is the actual big day. I have a list for my hospital bag, just gotta pack it. I think a lot about what will happen that day; if Nick will be home, or if I'll be able to reach him at work and have him rush to me to go to the hospital, if my mom will be able to make it from MD without any delay.. there's just so much!
I also think a lot about the birth. How will I do? For years I've always felt like birth was the scariest thing ever; as a teenager I was so glad it was far away, cause it sounded unbearably awful. Now that it's close, of course I have the fear and the thought process of "...fuck I'm suppose to give birth soon aren't I..", but I feel strangely ready and unafraid at the same time. I feel like once I know labor is here, I can totally handle it, at least for awhile. I like to think that I can take contractions head on, like a boss, until I do decide that fuck this I want my epidural. I honestly think that giving birth is one of the most fundamental womanly things a woman does in her life, and I'm excited to join this club that billions of other women are in. I want to be strong and not shrivel into a teary-eyed, whiny mess during his birth (although there's a good chance I will). I don't want to be such a wreck that I can hardly enjoy my new son. I guess I'm just like any other mother out there in that I want to have a smooth, complication-free experience.
Ideally, I want to get my sweet, sweet epidural and be able to deliver him myself, without all the crazyness of tearing, stitches, cord tangling, buncha crap. Gavin and me have both been doing REALLY well this whole time, and I feel confident he'll be perfect when he gets here. I'm looking forward SO much to that moment he wails his tiny hiney off when his lungs take that first breath. omg. I've been so careful with myself during this pregnancy and have been very mindful of what I take in that I think he'll be just fine. I just hope I'm fine. I hear about some women being able to get up and about within a couple hours of birth and feeling fine, and that's all I can really hope for for myself.
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