Over the weekend I had surgery to remove my wisdom teeth, and it has thrown an SUV-sized monkey wrench into my way of mothering and way of doing things for the past 6 months.
Obviously, after surgery I wasn't able to nurse Gavin. I tried either the night after surgery or the morning after, I don't remember which. It went just fine and I was happy. The next couple days I slept most of the time, was in a lot of pain, and my mom and aunt took over with most of his care so I could rest and recover. Once I felt better to try again, Gavin began acting like he forgot what to do. He'd try to gnaw and chew (which he does A LOT these days, probably a clue that he will start teething very soon), and he keeps biting me. He'll do 2-3 sucks like normal, then he'll stop and bite. Then try to suck more, then bite. Or he'll just open and close his mouth on me, trying to gnaw. I try the gentle "No", but he's really so young that I don't think it means anything to him. If I pull it away from him, he just looks up at me like I'm crazy; he doesn't understand why I'm doing it.
I just don't know what to do with him. I keep trying and just end up frustrated and in tears. I'm not ready to give this up yet. These few days of a different routine and not nursing really screwed everything up. I can tell my body is messed up too, since this morning I discovered the return of Aunt Flo. I've read that changes in routine such as nursing less and switching to solids can make her return, so I think my body is getting into the idea that we're done nursing.
I need to get Gavin back on track and try to reverse my body thinking it's time to wrap up with boobie time. I know the best thing is to latch Gavin on and keep him there, but it's really hard when he won't do what he's supposed to and honestly, biting fucking HURTS. Fuck that. I'd rather go through this surgery again than have him bite me all day trying to get him to nurse properly. I'm just praying Gavin snaps back into it and we don't have to end nursing yet. I never imagined I'd feel this way before becoming a mother, but I have truly grown to cherish this closeness and nurturing experience with my booboo.
